🤍 A Story of Birth Trauma

🏥 On Birth Trauma

💔 Why It Matters and Tools to Heal

(An Excerpt From Laura Wifler @ Risen Motherhood)

“It took me 14 months and a second pregnancy to admit I had a traumatic birth. Nearly a year and a half later, I finally realized what had been hovering over my shoulder like a black cloud, a haze enveloping me ever since the birth of my first. I was lying on my back at my twelve week appointment…when [the midwife] asked me nonchalantly about what concerns I had for this pregnancy. Pregnancy? None. I had no concerns, no questions, nothing to share about pregnancy.…I said, "I'm a little nervous about birth."…"Okay, what are you nervous for then?" my midwife asked.

Like releasing a dam, the tears flowed faster than I could stop them. I didn't even know where they were coming from. I didn't even know they existed until that very moment. Suddenly I could barely breathe, as I admitted everything to my midwife, telling her about the flashbacks, the pain, the fear, the shame. I had hidden all of these things away deep in my heart…I had a healthy baby boy at home after all.

I told her how alone and helpless I felt during birth. How scared I was. I told her about my anger at the anesthesiologist and the nurse...How I've been harboring bitterness and blame against them for not listening to me, for telling me…I was crazy and delusional…how disappointed I was that she wasn't at my birth and there was no one to advocate for me…how ashamed I was about how I felt when I met my son and didn't feel anything close to joy, only anger and skepticism and relief that it was finally over.

She looked at me and told me what I had been longing to hear for so long: "Honey, you are not crazy…you had a traumatic birth."

Traumatic births bring the fragility of our existence front and center.

As women, there can be a natural desire to hide our trauma. Especially when we know on the days after birth – as we retell our story to someone who just brought a casserole – that no one will think our birth story is especially remarkable. We tend to glaze over the emotions, making jokes about our pain or not mentioning it at all.

But the emotions that come with a traumatic birth: shame, inadequacy, comparison, blame, guilt, anger – they are real and they exist. Those are the things that live in the darkness, yet God calls us to bring all things into the light.

While I don't doubt that some of stories of a joy-filled, natural labor and delivery are true (because we serve a God that is lavish with his grace, even in a sinful world), for most of us, our birth misses the mark in some way.

But there is hope. It was through childbirth that God sent our redeemer, who would eventually bear the curse on the cross, taking away all our shame, suffering, and trauma, and replace them with hope, peace, and grace.

And it’s here that we work through a difficult or traumatic birth. We first put our suffering in its rightful place: remembering that imperfect births are a reality of the fall, bringing with it imperfect providers, decisions, medications, and advocacy.

And it's through this lens we can process a traumatic…birth story:

• Take time to mourn your experience. Healing happens when we bring things into the light. Acknowledge your feelings with your husband, a trusted friend, maybe even a professional. On the advice of my midwife, I even ended up writing a letter to my hospital to help me process.

• God's grace is everywhere! There are so many areas that God still grants us grace that we don't deserve. Doctors, doulas, monitors, medications, air conditioners, comfortable beds, birthing tubs, the fact that our husbands can be by our sides during childbirth - the graces are endless when you start thinking through them.

• Forgive your providers for areas you've been wronged. Release the bitterness and anger…because you've been forgiven, you can forgive the wrongs done against you.

• Remember your true identity. Our culture tells us we're "goddesses" but that's worshiping the created instead of the Creator. When we feel ashamed that we "couldn't do it" or we were not "woman enough" we have to remind ourselves that we can't do anything on our own.

• See your birth experience as a way to point others to Christ. In your weakness, he is strong. Find ways to highlight his goodness in your birth story. Remember a difficult birth is not your final story, but only a shadow of your true life to come.

For me, the process of healing came slowly, for I had buried my trauma as deeply as I could. But once it was unearthed, I was surprised to find how God transformed it from something ugly, scary, and horrible, to something filled with meaning, grace, and love, pointing me to redemption and gratefulness for all that Christ has done.”

You can read the full Risen Motherhood story here.

💡 Moms Hacks

📸 Two Simple Ways to Keep Babies & Toddlers Engaged Using Family Photos

Option 1

1. Print family photos from your phone (you can use the Walgreens or SnapFish app to do it from your phone and have them either ready for pick up or delivered to your home)

2. Place them in a simple, small 4 × 6 album and hand them to your kiddos when you need a little break.

Sounds super simple, right? But your baby or toddler will love seeing pictures of themselves and you/you and your husband. See it in action.

Option 2

1. Create a slideshow of your family photos on your phone

2. Broadcast them on your TV

Small children love to see photos (and books) with pictures of real people. This is a great way for use screen time (if you need a moment) while skipping an actual video or cartoon show. See it in action.

Useful & Inspiring Stuff From the Internet

🤍 Would You Share Advice For Other Moms or Soon to Be Moms?

If you had a traumatic birth story, what helped you overcome it? Any practical or general tips you can share with other moms in this community?

Just hit reply and write back! Your response will be shared on next week’s newsletter (you can remain anonymous if you’d like).

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