🤍 Supporting A Husband Through Depression

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 How to Support A Spouse Dealing with Depression

From a Natural Christian Mom Reader/Community Mom

(Shared Anonymously Out of Respect for Her Husband’s Privacy)

My husband has been walking with depression and anxiety for about one year now. Some of is circumstantial, some of it is straight up a spiritual attack, some of it I’m sure is hormonal (some say this can often happen to men in their 30s and 40s)…it’s all a combination of all three.

It’s been HARD. But it’s the cup we’ve been dealt for this season. And he needs me.

Here is a straightforward list, in no particular order of importance, of things I’ve done and practices I’ve applied/prioritized to help him and our family walk through this season.

• Take the time to understand depression, and what it can do to a person. My biggest take away from learning about it is that it blinds and skews your view of reality. When I hear my husband speak from a place of depression (e.g. “I feel like I’m a burden to all the guy friends around me”, “I’m tired of not succeeding at anything”). I remind him that there’s an enemy of our soul who will come to steal, kill, and destroy, and the battlefield is in the mind. The devil will twist our thoughts. I remind him of our reality in Christ, and also of our natural reality (his friends love him, he’s super accomplished, etc).

• This one is hard, but this is a season for us as wives to put 70% if our husbands can only give 30%. And it’s OK to not succeed at this all the time. It’s also not daily necessity. A husband with depression can still have good days!

• Sometimes there’s a need for a psychiatrist, and medication. My husband has an episode of anxiety that led to little to no sleep for 10 days +. We went to our PCP and took medicines to help with sleep. I wasn’t familiar with anything natural and didn’t have the mental capacity to research or ask. We had a wonderful PCP who prioritized our visit within hours. These episodes can happen so slowly and so suddenly all at once. Others may need antidepressants, etc.

• Whatever his love language is, do that! For my husband, it’s quality time and specifically being in the house of God. We currently go to to church services and Bible study at every opportunity outside of Sunday (not what I would prefer for this season with small children). Sometimes my daughter’s bedtime and nap gets moved, all good! It helps my husband tremendously to be surrounded by the people of God (he’s such an extrovert), worshiping God, hearing the Word preached etc. I also ensure he has time outdoors and to workout since he loves that. Find whatever this is for your husband and make room for it.

• If you’re not in a solid, healthy church full of on fire for the Lord men who can come along side your husband, you may consider praying about a new church. You can’t do it alone.

• Lots of intimacy!

• Clean your entire family’s diet. Invest the time and money to ensure your husband is getting good, clean, whole food.

• Take care of yourself really well! I’m fortunate to be a SAHM so I can use my time at home to fill my cup, take naps, visit girlfriends for play dates, go thrifting, spent hours in our patio reading while our kids plays, etc. I know this is a privilege and not realistic for all.

• Consider therapy or counseling. We are doing marriage counseling.

• Pray, pray, pray. On your knees daily. it’s hard.

NCM Notes

If your husband or someone you love is dealing with depression, it’s not a bad idea to ask,

• “Have you had thoughts about harming yourself?”

• “Have you planned out scenarios of how you could harm yourself”

Resources: Dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Also, reach out to your pastors and trusted friends/family.

Thought on PPD: Could your husband be going through PPD? This affects men/dads as well! If your child is under 2, you and him are still eligible for whatever free PP resources your state offers. Find them here.

Useful & Inspiring Stuff From the Internet

🤍 On Birth Trauma…From a Natural Christian Mom Reader/Community Mom!

“Something that had never occurred to me is that birth trauma can happen to our husbands as well. I wouldn’t describe my labor with my first as traumatic…it was long, yes, an absolute marathon. It was a home birth transfer to a wonderful birth center. After three days of labor, I was thankful to walk away with a great experience despite it all. But during our first follow up with the midwife, my husband broke down in sharing his experience and how scared he was. It became something we kept in mind and ensured to discuss in our subsequent births”

-Sussana, Florida

Thank you so so much for sharing your experience! More testimonies are always welcomed! -Andrea

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